Thursday, August 12, 2010

Lazy, Hazy, Crazy Days

As we limp towards the home stretch of another summer season in paradise, it has been a little surprising how fast the time has gone. We're tearing through August like Lindsay Lohan through a gram of coke. Labor Day is in sight, although not here yet by a long shot, and this weekend promises to be toasty hot (112 degrees F./44 degrees C.) but thankfully dry. The monsoon season has been fairly decent in terms of rainfall, but not in the rafter-shaking thunderstorms that are so entertaining. But we have other means of entertainment, thanks to popular culture and politics.

The primary elections are in full swing, and I have stopped watching local television because of the torrent of boring, stupid, annoying and frankly pretty racist political ads that play in a non-stop rotation 24 hours a day. It seems the illegal immigration issue is a huge hot-button this year, and most candidates here are positioning themselves as far to the right on this topic as possible. Big, ugly, shaved-orangutan J.D. Hayworth, running for the decrepit John McCain's senate seat (and if there's any person who needs to be put out to pasture because he has LOSER written all over him, it's McCain), fairly comes right out and says illegal immigrants should be lined up against the border wall and shot. Hayworth's ads excoriate McCain for having "authored an amnesty bill with Ted Kennedy," as if that's the crime of the century, and McCain's ads seek to portray Hayworth as a really cheesy huckster. In any other context their little pissing contest would be mildly amusing, but in the end the Republican voter will have to choose between these two assholes and their choice will be the next Senator, because whatever tepid Democratic challenger won't have a snowball's chance in hell of winning in this abysmally stupid, wretched state.

Other parts of the country aren't faring much better. In Nevada there is something called Sharron Angle, who truly crawled out from under some radioactive garbage heap in the desert and is spewing her own brand of fundamentalist Christian-tinged idiocy all over the airwaves like fallout from some multi-megaton Stupid Bomb. Inbred skanksicle Sarah Palin continues to explore the outer reaches of ignorance by trying to convince us that "mama grizzlies" are some kind of political force to be reckoned with. According to that dimwitted hillbilly, "mama grizzlies" are conservative women who are fighting mad, but personally, I think the only reason you should label a woman a "mama grizzly" is because she's hairy, she stinks and she has a huge ass. This fabricated subclass of voters is nothing but Soccer Moms v2.0, or the gender-flip version of Angry White Men - something created by political consultants as a weak reflection of some aspect of voter discontent and given corporeal form by the media, who eagerly jump on any idiotic sociopolitical concept dangled in front of them, either out of boredom or complete intellectual bankruptcy. I guess it's some kind of peculiarly Alaskan type of insanity that pitbulls wearing lipstick and mama grizzly bears somehow make it into the national political dialogue. Another reason to hate the poorly-embalmed John McCain because if it wasn't for his clumsy and incompetent presidential campaign in 2008, we probably never would have heard of Palin.

Speaking of Alaska, which is rapidly becoming to this country what an outhouse is to a farm, former senator Ted Stevens died in a plane crash on some remote mountain earlier this week. My sympathies go to the other people who were on the plane, but to Stevens, not so much. He was a corrupt, greedy and arrogant old bastard who squandered millions if not billions of taxpayer dollars sending dozens of nonsensical pork-barrel spending projects to his state, presumably to make it easier for all the methamphetamine dealers to get around. And people try to cast him as some kind of respectable, noble leader. He was a CROOK who masterfully manipulated the admittedly arcane and ridiculous rules of the senate to do the bidding of his oil-company masters, in whose back pocket he very comfortably lived for his entire senate career. The way I see it, his death means one less conservative Republican in the world, and that by itself is a reason for great celebration.

And then there's the curious case of one Steven Slater, a Jet Blue flight attendant who had a little bit of a mental breakdown after a profanity-laced conflict with a passenger, and literally bailed out of the parked aircraft in spectacular fashion. Now, I have been on plenty of flights where passengers act like total assholes, doing swinish, selfish things and treating the in-flight personnel as drink-fetchers and personal assistants. Also, I have on occasion seen flight attendants act like total bitches and be as rude and contemptuous as possible toward passengers (who only do insignificant things like pay their salaries and provide them with employment), for no other reason then they can. This is particularly true of United Airlines, which has the nastiest flight attendants I have ever seen, and Northwest Airlines, which has the oldest and the crankiest. But the truth is, anywhere you work you will get extremely frustrated and fed-up with the bad aspects of the job and this particular person just snapped. I would not react well if some loathsome pig called me a m*f*er, but undoubtedly Slater did not handle the situation well. It was his job to be nice to idiots, no matter how awful they are. If he was an investment banker and someone did something rude to him on a plane, then yeah, he could rip them a new butthole. Nonetheless, I am on Team Slater and feel that he does need some kind of sanction for deploying the emergency slide, but jail time is so not appropriate. Not as long as Sarah Palin walks the world free.

So, I am going to sit back and relax this weekend, and enjoy my life without letting batshit-crazy political ads raise my blood pressure and ruin my day. I have a very sweet, playful little 5-week-old bunny named Desiree running around the house having a great time jumping and dancing and playing. I have lots of other rabbits whose sweetness and gentleness constantly make me realize what is truly important and valuable in this life. And for that, I am grateful.

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