Oh my God, it's only been a day since Careless Whispers came back online, but the reviews are pouring in from all over the world. It's so gratifying that this blog is making such an impression. Here is a sampling of the buzz:
"Careless Whispers is always lively and fun. Never boring and stuffy, like my in-laws."
-- Katherine Middleton-Windsor, Duchess of Cambridge
"I need this blog like I need a hole in my head!"
-- Osama bin Laden, from the bottom of the ocean.
"The bitch is back!"
-- Elton John
"This blog is better than breaking up with your cancer-striken wife! And I should know!"
-- Newt Gingrich
"Reading Careless Whispers is the only thing that makes my comb-over lay flat."
-- Donald Trump, Stubby-Fingered Vulgarian
"Todd said If I could read I'd be pretty upset, you betcha!"
-- Sarah Palin
"Makes me wish I was still alive!"
-- Jan Brewer, Arizona Governor
"This blog (sniff!) brings a tear (snivel!) to my eyes (blubber!) every day. WAAAAH!"
-- Rep. John Boehner (R-Ohio)
"I'd gladly give all my money away if this blog would just disappear."
-- Warren Buffett
"Careless Whispers is the only drug I need! Well, until my coke dealer gets back to me..."
-- Lindsay Lohan
"GDMN slanderous f***ing piece of horse s**t!"
-- Pope Benedict XVI
"Forget this drivel, we're still hurting over here. HELLO???"
-- The Entire Country of Japan
"Careless Whispers is back? Basement, here we come!"
-- Dow Jones Industrial Average
"I don't think my life could get any more screwed up. What did you say? Something about Careless Whispers?"
-- Muammar Qadafi, Libya
"I died for this?? Are you kidding me?"
-- Jesus
Showing posts with label blog. Show all posts
Showing posts with label blog. Show all posts
Monday, May 9, 2011
Wednesday, October 6, 2010
My 100th Blog Post!
This blog will be taking a short break from its regular programming of slanderous tirades, character assassinations, questionable humor and good old-fashioned bad taste to mark a special occasion. This is my 100th blog entry! WOOHOO!
Yes indeed, on March 23, 2009 I wrote my first entry, in which I took Meghan McCain to task for being a general pain in the butt. I started this blog on a whim as just a fun thing to do. I honestly felt like I would run out of things to say after 4 or 5 entries. Some people would say that is exactly what happened, but the ideas just kept on coming and I kept on writing, and nineteen months later we're at entry number 100.
It has been great fun to write this blog and I have gotten a lot of feedback from a lot of people concerning the ideas I put forth. I hope my next 100 blog posts will be just as much fun and thought-provoking.
Here are some meta-facts about Careless Whispers:
Average number of posts per month: 5.26 (one every 5.7 days)
Preferred General Targets: Conservative Republicans or crazy fundamentalist Christians. Actually they're the same thing.
Preferred Specific Target: Sarah Palin (she needs to cover her butt because it's got a big ol' target on it and just as soon as I finish this she will be back in my crosshairs)
My Favorite Posts: When We Lose One... Commercials That Suck, Perfect Moments In Life
Post Which I Reread Over and Over: Be My Baby, Ellie Greenwich
Most Frequently Used Word: "Stupid"
Post That I Hope Someone Will Read 100 Years From Now and say "Cool!": Sundays in December
Post That I Hope Someone Will Read 100 Years From Now and say "WTF?": Stuff I Think About
Most Nostalgic For Me: Kent State Plus 40 Years
Posts I Wish Everyone Would Read: Yet Another Senseless Tragedy, Arizona: But It's A Dry Stupidity
Thanks to everyone out there. Post #101 is on the way!
Yes indeed, on March 23, 2009 I wrote my first entry, in which I took Meghan McCain to task for being a general pain in the butt. I started this blog on a whim as just a fun thing to do. I honestly felt like I would run out of things to say after 4 or 5 entries. Some people would say that is exactly what happened, but the ideas just kept on coming and I kept on writing, and nineteen months later we're at entry number 100.
It has been great fun to write this blog and I have gotten a lot of feedback from a lot of people concerning the ideas I put forth. I hope my next 100 blog posts will be just as much fun and thought-provoking.
Here are some meta-facts about Careless Whispers:
Average number of posts per month: 5.26 (one every 5.7 days)
Preferred General Targets: Conservative Republicans or crazy fundamentalist Christians. Actually they're the same thing.
Preferred Specific Target: Sarah Palin (she needs to cover her butt because it's got a big ol' target on it and just as soon as I finish this she will be back in my crosshairs)
My Favorite Posts: When We Lose One... Commercials That Suck, Perfect Moments In Life
Post Which I Reread Over and Over: Be My Baby, Ellie Greenwich
Most Frequently Used Word: "Stupid"
Post That I Hope Someone Will Read 100 Years From Now and say "Cool!": Sundays in December
Post That I Hope Someone Will Read 100 Years From Now and say "WTF?": Stuff I Think About
Most Nostalgic For Me: Kent State Plus 40 Years
Posts I Wish Everyone Would Read: Yet Another Senseless Tragedy, Arizona: But It's A Dry Stupidity
Thanks to everyone out there. Post #101 is on the way!
Monday, September 20, 2010
The "Careless Whispers" Mailbag
You might think that writing a blog is all action, excitement and glamour, and it is, but there is a significant amount of work involved. Researching, composing, editing, re-writing - all have to be done before an entry is posted. Merriam-Webster's dictionary and the online thesaurus are my constant companions. It is fun to get mail from people who read my blog and ask me stuff. Here is just a sampling of what I get in the Careless Whispers Mailbag:
Dear Steve,
Why do you bad-mouth Sarah Palin so much? I think she is beautiful, smart, articulate and a real "down to earth" person. Why are you such a hater?
Dear Sarah Palin,
Don't try to pretend like you're someone else, you dimwitted ho-bag, I know this is you. I don't get many letters written in crayon on the back of a Burger King napkin. Why do I hate you? You might as well ask how many stars are in the sky or how many fish in the sea. Or how many meth labs there are in Alaska. It may be easier to ask, what is it about you that I like? And the answer is: nothing. I hate your robotic, annoying perkiness and how you try to be such a populist and middle-class hero, when in fact you have amassed millions of dollars in book revenues and personal appearances, and everything you do is geared to garnering more money and power. I hate the fact that you constantly excoriate the national news media and blame them for every bad thing that has ever happened, when in fact you would be nothing without them and their misguided coverage. But mostly I hate you for being such a phony. People somehow think that you speak truthfully and honestly, but in fact there is not a single word that comes out of your mouth that hasn't been calculated and scripted and written for you, by someone else. You try to position yourself as being a courageous and principled leader, but you resigned from the governorship of Alaska halfway through your term and abandoned your constituency to pursue national fame and the almighty dollar, because you're a greedy, lying, disingenuous, money-grubbing little coward. That's why I hate you, Sarah Palin, because you are such a complete, total and utter fraud.
Did I mention that I think you're an obnoxious, nasty little bitch, too?
Dear Steve,
You always say such awful things about religion. What do you have against God?
Dear D.E.,
Oh, I don't have anything against God. Me and God go way back and we are just fine. Ever since I banished religion from my life over 4o years ago I feel I understand God better than ever. God is only one name for a creative force in the universe that man created. There was also Yahweh, Buddha, Mohammed, and lots of other incarnations in many cultures and civilizations. These supernatural beings were created by people who could not explain natural phenomena with their current level of scientific development. As such, "God" served a purpose by bringing order and harmony to an apparently disordered and chaotic world. He provided answers, although not very good ones, for things that were beyond the control and understanding of humans. I get that, and I'm okay with it; it's organized religion that I have the problem with. Organized religion keeps people in the dark and stifles their spiritual growth with superstitions, myths, and out-and-out lies. Organized religion is all about guilt, shame, fear, coercion, retribution and intolerance. Organized religion's primary concern is hoarding wealth and power and using it to obtain more wealth and power (note parallel to Sarah Palin above).
See, way back in the past, religion used to be a deeply personal, individual thing and everybody was their own church. That is, you didn't have to go to some big building somewhere to talk to God; He was with you every minute of every day. Then, somewhere along the line, religion became externalized and God was no longer inside you, but outside of you. Instead of man creating God, religion turned things around so that God created man. Instead of being a source of enlightenment and comfort, religion became a source of tyranny and oppression. Instead of drawing you closer to your Creator, religion pushed you away. Instead of being a benevolent presence in your life, helping you do what is right, organized religion cast God as a force to be feared, always ready in a split-second to exact a terrible vengeance on anyone who questioned His Word. Over the centuries organized religion succeeded in "stacking the deck" to its advantage and relegating God to the background, all the while claiming to "represent" Him on Earth. So, to answer your question, I don't hate God any more than I hate Santa Claus or the Easter Bunny, which is to say, not at all. God and I have wonderful conversations and we're okay with all this. By the way, He thinks Sarah Palin is an obnoxious, nasty little bitch, too.
Dear Steve,
You always talk about rabbits, it's like you are obsessed by them. What's so special about rabbits?
Dear Just,
People who know and love rabbits are the most fortunate people in the world, and we think of ourselves as members of a very exclusive club. We are bonded together by the love of a miraculous little creature who is a curious, fascinating combination of strength and fragility, timidity and fierceness, instinct and intelligence, all mixed in with a huge amount of love and affection. Being a prey animal, rabbits are naturally fearful of big huge mammals like us with eyes in the front of our heads. That's why when you gain the love and trust of a rabbit, that is a real accomplishment, since everything in their genetic and instinctual make-up is telling them to be afraid and run away. Rabbits are amazing, delightful and wonderful animals. My life has been changed in the most positive ways possible since bunnies entered it. They have brought joy, meaning and purpose into my life, and many, many fantastic, loving people, who have become my dear friends and extended family. People say the bunnies owe a lot to me, but in fact, the exact opposite is true. I owe them a lot, because of them my life has been immeasurably enriched. I will always be grateful to them - for being bunnies!
Well that's all for now. I'll be opening the mailbag again soon, although it takes a while to sort through the ticking packages and smelly manila envelopes. Hope you enjoy my blog as much as I enjoy writing it!
Dear Steve,
Why do you bad-mouth Sarah Palin so much? I think she is beautiful, smart, articulate and a real "down to earth" person. Why are you such a hater?
Para Sailin'
Dear Sarah Palin,
Don't try to pretend like you're someone else, you dimwitted ho-bag, I know this is you. I don't get many letters written in crayon on the back of a Burger King napkin. Why do I hate you? You might as well ask how many stars are in the sky or how many fish in the sea. Or how many meth labs there are in Alaska. It may be easier to ask, what is it about you that I like? And the answer is: nothing. I hate your robotic, annoying perkiness and how you try to be such a populist and middle-class hero, when in fact you have amassed millions of dollars in book revenues and personal appearances, and everything you do is geared to garnering more money and power. I hate the fact that you constantly excoriate the national news media and blame them for every bad thing that has ever happened, when in fact you would be nothing without them and their misguided coverage. But mostly I hate you for being such a phony. People somehow think that you speak truthfully and honestly, but in fact there is not a single word that comes out of your mouth that hasn't been calculated and scripted and written for you, by someone else. You try to position yourself as being a courageous and principled leader, but you resigned from the governorship of Alaska halfway through your term and abandoned your constituency to pursue national fame and the almighty dollar, because you're a greedy, lying, disingenuous, money-grubbing little coward. That's why I hate you, Sarah Palin, because you are such a complete, total and utter fraud.
Did I mention that I think you're an obnoxious, nasty little bitch, too?
Dear Steve,
You always say such awful things about religion. What do you have against God?
Devout Episcopalian
Dear D.E.,
Oh, I don't have anything against God. Me and God go way back and we are just fine. Ever since I banished religion from my life over 4o years ago I feel I understand God better than ever. God is only one name for a creative force in the universe that man created. There was also Yahweh, Buddha, Mohammed, and lots of other incarnations in many cultures and civilizations. These supernatural beings were created by people who could not explain natural phenomena with their current level of scientific development. As such, "God" served a purpose by bringing order and harmony to an apparently disordered and chaotic world. He provided answers, although not very good ones, for things that were beyond the control and understanding of humans. I get that, and I'm okay with it; it's organized religion that I have the problem with. Organized religion keeps people in the dark and stifles their spiritual growth with superstitions, myths, and out-and-out lies. Organized religion is all about guilt, shame, fear, coercion, retribution and intolerance. Organized religion's primary concern is hoarding wealth and power and using it to obtain more wealth and power (note parallel to Sarah Palin above).
See, way back in the past, religion used to be a deeply personal, individual thing and everybody was their own church. That is, you didn't have to go to some big building somewhere to talk to God; He was with you every minute of every day. Then, somewhere along the line, religion became externalized and God was no longer inside you, but outside of you. Instead of man creating God, religion turned things around so that God created man. Instead of being a source of enlightenment and comfort, religion became a source of tyranny and oppression. Instead of drawing you closer to your Creator, religion pushed you away. Instead of being a benevolent presence in your life, helping you do what is right, organized religion cast God as a force to be feared, always ready in a split-second to exact a terrible vengeance on anyone who questioned His Word. Over the centuries organized religion succeeded in "stacking the deck" to its advantage and relegating God to the background, all the while claiming to "represent" Him on Earth. So, to answer your question, I don't hate God any more than I hate Santa Claus or the Easter Bunny, which is to say, not at all. God and I have wonderful conversations and we're okay with all this. By the way, He thinks Sarah Palin is an obnoxious, nasty little bitch, too.
Dear Steve,
You always talk about rabbits, it's like you are obsessed by them. What's so special about rabbits?
Just Asking
Dear Just,
People who know and love rabbits are the most fortunate people in the world, and we think of ourselves as members of a very exclusive club. We are bonded together by the love of a miraculous little creature who is a curious, fascinating combination of strength and fragility, timidity and fierceness, instinct and intelligence, all mixed in with a huge amount of love and affection. Being a prey animal, rabbits are naturally fearful of big huge mammals like us with eyes in the front of our heads. That's why when you gain the love and trust of a rabbit, that is a real accomplishment, since everything in their genetic and instinctual make-up is telling them to be afraid and run away. Rabbits are amazing, delightful and wonderful animals. My life has been changed in the most positive ways possible since bunnies entered it. They have brought joy, meaning and purpose into my life, and many, many fantastic, loving people, who have become my dear friends and extended family. People say the bunnies owe a lot to me, but in fact, the exact opposite is true. I owe them a lot, because of them my life has been immeasurably enriched. I will always be grateful to them - for being bunnies!
Well that's all for now. I'll be opening the mailbag again soon, although it takes a while to sort through the ticking packages and smelly manila envelopes. Hope you enjoy my blog as much as I enjoy writing it!
Sunday, July 25, 2010
Obama's White House: Its Own Worst Enemy
There are times when the Obama administration really seems to working well, passing legislation which appears to benefit working-class Americans over the obscenely wealthy (the recent financial services reform bill as an example), generally triumphing over the obstructionist Republican party and keeping some of the lofty campaign promises Obama freely made. Other times it appears as if the White House is secretly working for the far-right conservatives who leave no stone unturned in their self-declared war to make the current administration a failure in everything they attempt. The recent debacle with Shirley Sherrod, an official with the U.S. Department of Agriculture, shows in very painful clarity an example of the latter.
Sherrod gave a speech in the not-too-distant past regarding the DOA's history with poor farmers. A conservative blogger and disgusting toady to the right-wing named Andrew Breitbart found the video record of the speech and excerpted a two-minute segment, lifting it entirely out of context and posting it on the web as proof that the respected and highly-regarded Sherrod was racist against white people. If you listen to the whole speech nothing could be further than the truth, but that didn't matter. The clip was launched on the Internet and it went hyper-ballistic in minutes. It didn't take long before Fixed News, I mean Fox News, picked it up like a dog eating another dog's feces, and ran with it. The idiotic and incompetent Secretary of Agriculture, Tom Vilsack, saw the clip and did not bother to do any sort of calling-around or fact-checking, and God forbid he would think of going directly TO HIS EMPLOYEE Ms. Sherrod and get her take on it. No, he just took the clip as being the Gospel truth and demanded her resignation. She in fact had to pull over in her car and submit her resignation via Blackberry.
Now, a huge screw-up by a high-level government stooge like Vilsack is not that much of a surprise, but what is truly, awfully astonishing is the White House doing the exact same thing - hearing about a video clip storming the Internet and also assuming it was valid, and then calling for Sherrod's head. Are they kidding us? They believe every ridiculous thing they see or read on the Internet? That's like watching Battlestar Galactica and then calling 911 because you think your neighbor is a Cylon. Are they four years old or something that they have to be cautioned not to believe everything they see or read on the Internet?
After this catastrophe exploded on the mainstream media, Breitbart was universally denounced as a non-journalist, a hack of the most base and vile nature, a totally amoral muckraker and someone who is not even worthy of the most utter contempt anyone can muster. After the White House figured out that 5 tons of the stinkiest manure imaginable just hit the giant fan they were standing in front of, they started furiously backpedaling, but as if often the case it was too little, too late. Vilsack started dithering around like a dog chasing his own tail, and Obama himself had to call Sherrod directly and apologize for the stupidity and incompetence of his staff. I so would have loved to listen in on that little chat, although I'm sure Ms. Sherrod (whose own father was murdered by a Ku Klux Klansman when she was a teenager and who has every conceivable right to have a problem with white people, but doesn't) showed enormous grace and magnanimity to the President who clearly felt like a moron for falling into a trap set by the right-wing, one that worked perfectly and flawlessly.
As my dear friend Julia pointed out, Obama is simply too much of a gentleman to go after Breitbart and call him an asshole, a craven coward, a galaxy-class douchebag and an ass-sucker of the highest magnitude, even though that and a whole lot worse is absolutely true. If this had happened in the previous administration, George Bush might have been too oblivious and distracted to care, but you can bet the mortgage that Cheney would have been all over it, sprouting horns and breathing fire into the face of whoever was responsible. Vice President Joe Biden is too enamored with his "elder-statesman" role to kick someone's ass, no matter how well-deserved, so the hatchet job should have fallen to Chief of Staff Rahm Emanuel, the White House's yappy little attack dog. Like a chihuahua with a bad attitude, Emanuel has a reputation for savage, one-on-one political combat and has a scorched-earth policy in regards to his political enemies. But they must have put little Rahmie on a short leash made of prozac recently because he was very conspicuous in his absence and his silence.
Bottom line, the Obama administration showed blinding, unbelievable incompetence by charging like a runaway freight train directly into a trap set by a brittle, angry, paranoid right-wing pundit, and they gave the far right exactly what they wanted - the legitimacy of knowing that the White House listens to what they say, unconditionally regards it as credible and reacts accordingly. The conservative movement in all its variations has stated in the clearest possible terms that they and Obama are deadly enemies in an almost classical, epic battle between good and evil, and they will take any action, tell any lie and exploit every opportunity, no matter how underhanded, immoral or unfounded, to discredit and embarrass this administration. This incident with Shirley Sherrod shows in a most discouraging fashion that the administration is all too willing to play along and provide them with a huge, slow-moving target that is too stupid and too incompetent to fight back, or even realize it is under attack.
Sherrod gave a speech in the not-too-distant past regarding the DOA's history with poor farmers. A conservative blogger and disgusting toady to the right-wing named Andrew Breitbart found the video record of the speech and excerpted a two-minute segment, lifting it entirely out of context and posting it on the web as proof that the respected and highly-regarded Sherrod was racist against white people. If you listen to the whole speech nothing could be further than the truth, but that didn't matter. The clip was launched on the Internet and it went hyper-ballistic in minutes. It didn't take long before Fixed News, I mean Fox News, picked it up like a dog eating another dog's feces, and ran with it. The idiotic and incompetent Secretary of Agriculture, Tom Vilsack, saw the clip and did not bother to do any sort of calling-around or fact-checking, and God forbid he would think of going directly TO HIS EMPLOYEE Ms. Sherrod and get her take on it. No, he just took the clip as being the Gospel truth and demanded her resignation. She in fact had to pull over in her car and submit her resignation via Blackberry.
Now, a huge screw-up by a high-level government stooge like Vilsack is not that much of a surprise, but what is truly, awfully astonishing is the White House doing the exact same thing - hearing about a video clip storming the Internet and also assuming it was valid, and then calling for Sherrod's head. Are they kidding us? They believe every ridiculous thing they see or read on the Internet? That's like watching Battlestar Galactica and then calling 911 because you think your neighbor is a Cylon. Are they four years old or something that they have to be cautioned not to believe everything they see or read on the Internet?
After this catastrophe exploded on the mainstream media, Breitbart was universally denounced as a non-journalist, a hack of the most base and vile nature, a totally amoral muckraker and someone who is not even worthy of the most utter contempt anyone can muster. After the White House figured out that 5 tons of the stinkiest manure imaginable just hit the giant fan they were standing in front of, they started furiously backpedaling, but as if often the case it was too little, too late. Vilsack started dithering around like a dog chasing his own tail, and Obama himself had to call Sherrod directly and apologize for the stupidity and incompetence of his staff. I so would have loved to listen in on that little chat, although I'm sure Ms. Sherrod (whose own father was murdered by a Ku Klux Klansman when she was a teenager and who has every conceivable right to have a problem with white people, but doesn't) showed enormous grace and magnanimity to the President who clearly felt like a moron for falling into a trap set by the right-wing, one that worked perfectly and flawlessly.
As my dear friend Julia pointed out, Obama is simply too much of a gentleman to go after Breitbart and call him an asshole, a craven coward, a galaxy-class douchebag and an ass-sucker of the highest magnitude, even though that and a whole lot worse is absolutely true. If this had happened in the previous administration, George Bush might have been too oblivious and distracted to care, but you can bet the mortgage that Cheney would have been all over it, sprouting horns and breathing fire into the face of whoever was responsible. Vice President Joe Biden is too enamored with his "elder-statesman" role to kick someone's ass, no matter how well-deserved, so the hatchet job should have fallen to Chief of Staff Rahm Emanuel, the White House's yappy little attack dog. Like a chihuahua with a bad attitude, Emanuel has a reputation for savage, one-on-one political combat and has a scorched-earth policy in regards to his political enemies. But they must have put little Rahmie on a short leash made of prozac recently because he was very conspicuous in his absence and his silence.
Bottom line, the Obama administration showed blinding, unbelievable incompetence by charging like a runaway freight train directly into a trap set by a brittle, angry, paranoid right-wing pundit, and they gave the far right exactly what they wanted - the legitimacy of knowing that the White House listens to what they say, unconditionally regards it as credible and reacts accordingly. The conservative movement in all its variations has stated in the clearest possible terms that they and Obama are deadly enemies in an almost classical, epic battle between good and evil, and they will take any action, tell any lie and exploit every opportunity, no matter how underhanded, immoral or unfounded, to discredit and embarrass this administration. This incident with Shirley Sherrod shows in a most discouraging fashion that the administration is all too willing to play along and provide them with a huge, slow-moving target that is too stupid and too incompetent to fight back, or even realize it is under attack.
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